Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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