I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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