Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
