What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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