Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
