i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
