how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its liver damage thursday
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
