we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
