I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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