so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
