I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
