So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
