No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And then he peed in my hair
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