We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
