he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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