Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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