Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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