Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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