Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
