I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
