Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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