I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
