That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
