When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
