While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i think my cat just said my name.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
