my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
