I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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