Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
