you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
