My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
