i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
