just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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