dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
