If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
