Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
