fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
