I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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