So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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