Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
