Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
