So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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