Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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