I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
