Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
