They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
