**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
