if only i could text you this smell
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
