I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
