all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
