he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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