38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
