Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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