I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
